Making Friends With the Dark

Unsolicited Advice for January

My friend goes on to talk about how to make winter a bit easier on extroverts. I was inspired by her post and here for your reading pleasure are my completely unsolicited ideas about how to make friends with the cold, dark, and rainy/snowy season.

First, we need to appreciate that in order to have the light, we must also have the dark. We experience this daily as the earth turns us toward the sun and then toward the moon. The arc of the year gives us warm weather and then the cold.

The earth needs to rest and replenish, cold stratification is essential for the germination of many seeds that grow and nourish us during the other seasons. We also need the rest. Our bodies and minds need to slow down, just like the earth does. We need the dark and solitude to germinate the ideas and joy that nourish us as we move forward in our lives. We can’t just skip the hard parts.

Angela’s post put me in mind of the hygge movement we’ve been seeing the last few years, but with a twist. As an introvert, I don’t think of having to make friends with January and the darker, shorter days. I like the concept of hibernation. If I experience stress over it, it’s because the weather is getting bad and I’m not already at home in my safe, warm spot. My friend very directly guided me to think about how this isn’t the case for everyone. I am biased towards winter and everything it stands for because of my deep introversion. So, I stepped back and thought about self-care for someone who struggles through this season.

So…let’s talk about how we make friends with these darker, wetter, more solitary days.

Full Spectrum Light

Get outside first thing in the morning. When I get up, I open the back door and outside I go with the dogs. If it’s sunny or even cloudy I step out from under the porch and face the sun letting it shine on me. If it’s rainy, windy, or just generally nasty, I stand on the porch and look towards the sun for as long as I can stand it. The light is delicious to your eyes, there’s actual science behind the light. The light our sun provides helps regulate the hormones that drives the circadian rhythm and sleep readiness. And by now I think we all know that if you’re not sleeping well, you’re not living well.

If it’s chilly outside, the morning ritual of greeting the sun can be a nice wake up call. Only stay as long as you’re comfortable, but while you’re out there take a moment to appreciate the world around you even if it is sleeping.

What if you can’t get outside?

Many craft lights are now full spectrum. These can be helpful in the afternoon and early evening for extending your exposure to full spectrum lighting. I spend many hours during the winter with mine. I don’t have a diagnosis for Seasonal Affective Disorder, but occasionally suffer the blues. My full-spectrum, craft light helps even if I’m just watching television or reading. I do have to be careful to turn it off a couple of hours before I plan on sleeping as I’ve noticed that it affects my ability to fall asleep.

Warm Drinks

Warm drinks can be really helpful during the winter. Tea, coffee, hot lemon water, cacao, whatever works for your personal taste. When I’m cold or bored or just in the ‘searching for something I can’t identify’ mode, I make tea. There’s comfort in focusing inward to decide what kind of warm drink I want and then appreciating the ritual of making myself something nice, just for me. And then when it’s ready, you have a warm mug to hang onto and sip from.

Visceral Entertainment

Books, puzzles, movies, games, crafts… I’ve seen pictures of some younger people’s homes lately. They struck me as odd and I couldn’t figure out why until I realized, they don’t have books, bookshelves, games, puzzles, physical movies, etc. Everything is virtual for the younger generation. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m suggesting taking an actual book out of the library. Something made of paper that you hold in your hands, something you can smell and touch and feel. Same for puzzles and games. Yes, I’m suggesting you get off the internet. Set down your screen-based entertainment and set yourself up with a visceral experience. You’ll still be using your eyeballs, just in a different way and you just might find unexpected changes occur when you spend some of your day offline.

Hygge

I’ve already touched on this, but if you don’t already have a cocoon, make yourself one. Go find a deliciously soft, warm blanket and find your spot. Put the blanket on your spot. Warm up your toe beans and throw it in with the blanket. Change into your most comfy pajamas. Put your books, glasses, phone, journal, pen, a cup of warmth and your companion or pet next to your cocoon, crawl in, snuggle up, and enjoy.

Curate Your Atmosphere

Make a simmer pot that smells like comfort to you. In addition to combating the dry nose most folks get when the heat is blasting, you’ll have a passive comfort in the air. Design your atmosphere to calm and uplift you with every breath.

Learn Something New

Learn something new, whether it’s a class that is primarily book learning or something visceral and touch-based like knitting, painting, or whittling. Learning something new can help the brain stay engaged and focused on a new and exciting experience rather than grinding on about how miserable the weather is. Think about using actual books you can hold in your hands, smell, and flip pages or a sumptuous yarn to run your fingers and hands over. Or enjoy the earthy scent of the wood as you work. Make your learning a multi-sensory experience.

Take a Walk

Get outside in the cold and weather. Don’t spend too long, some places are dangerous in the winter without proper preparation. Here in the southeastern U.S., it’s usually pretty mild so when I’m feeling really out of sorts and overwhelmed, I just go outside and be in it. I revel in the cold as it seeps through my clothing and hair to press its ambient weight against my skin. This last winter solstice I went out barefoot and danced on the soft, moist earth under the moon. I was frozen when I came back inside, but the joy of just experiencing the weather as we turned toward the light again was so uplifting and energizing.

January Journaling

This is probably the part of my friends Facebook post that spoke the loudest and what ultimately led me to write this tome on making friends with the dark. Find a journal, use it just for January, write in it every day for thirty-one days, then put it away. Next January, take out your January Journal and read it. Remember how you felt and know that you lived through it feeling perhaps the same way you’re feeling currently.

For those of you who don’t write or journal, it can be as simple as writing down the best thing of the day, the worst thing of the day, and something you want to remember or appreciate about the day. Even if you’re not a writer or journaler, this is a totally doable project. And when you’re finished not only do you reap the psychological rewards of journaling, but you now have a resource to help you through future winters.

Helpful Articles & Resources

Get Morning Light, Sleep Better at Night
Seasonality of mortality: the September phenomenon in Mediterranean countries
What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?
5 Benefits of Journaling for Mental Health
Alabama Public Health: Suicide & Crisis Lifeline OR Dial 988

In Closing

If winter is hard for you, design your environment to passively support you. Work on your mindset and keep your mind busy. Reach out to a friend if you need human contact and can’t get out of the house. Most of all take care of yourself, stay warm and hydrated. If you use any of these techniques, I’d love to hear how they worked out for you. Drop a comment and let me know what you think.

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